Tuesday, September 7, 2010

The Small Triumphs

Our little man continues to make progress. He is now up to 8cc per hour of breast milk, he is continuously gaining weight, and is weighing in at 4lbs 10 oz. today. The docs have been giving him his feeds directly to his intestines up to this point which has worked out nicely as he has not had much spit up etc. and he has been able to gain weight. Today they introduced 9 cc's to his tummy and he had some major spit-ups, so they backed the feeds down to 8cc's an hour in hopes that his tummy will be able to digest that much and that he will not spit up too much.

The feeding into the tummy will also help his liver to begin to function and have to work on real food, instead of the man made nutrition he has been getting up to this point. The docs were quite worried about his liver a couple of days ago and now it seems that they think it should correct itself over time wothout any surgery etc. Yippeee! We are keeping our fingers crossed!

Another concern has been the development of the vessels in his eyes. His prematurity has the potential to affect his vessel development, and there is potential to have detaching of the retina which would affect his vision- so we are praying that his vessels will develop normally and that there will not have to be any intervention there.

Other than that we see the cardiologists daily in the hospital and they say his heart condition is stable at the moment. They informed us yesterday and today that he is in a heart failure condition and they are just tweaking everything with medications until he can get his full repair and then he should be out of the heart failure mode.

It is VERY hard to hear that your baby is in heart failure when he looks so good, and seems to be acting and looking more like a healthy baby finally. As I sit and hold him and we have our little talks and he makes these cute faces at me I sometimes forget that he has so much going on in his little body, and that he still is a sick little guy with such a long road ahead of him. When it is just me and him and I rock him and can smell him and sing to him I forget everything else, and for those few moments it is just heaven. I know he knows me and that we are designed to be together- he as my son and me as his mommy forever.

He has already taught me so much. I have NEVER prayed this much in my entire life. I have spent hours talking with Heavenly Father- pleading with Him, that if He will allow me to raise my son on this earth that I would do anything and everything in my power to teach him and love him and help him to be the man God wants him to be. Lincoln has taught me what it means to love someone more than anything in the whole world. He has taught me that there is nothing more important in the whole world than family and your health and spending the time we do have together. He has taught me more than any experience in my life has that God is in charge and that prayer works. I have never had the feeling until now- like your heart is beating out of your chest because you love someone so much, and want so much for them to be happy and have a healthy life.

Each day as I look at him, and touch his head and talk to him I just soak up his goodness and his strength. I used to wish that this was all just a bad dream, and that I would wake up and we would be having a healthy baby at the end of the month and I wished he was still baking nicely inside. However, recently I have come to realize and even have become thankful that all this is a very special journey designed just for us, and that we need to rejoice in the small things that happen daily. The triumphs of him eating a cc of milk an hour, or being ecstatic that he farted or had a poop. I rejoice everyday that his heart continues to beat and that I can kiss his face and he wrinkles up his nose. I rejoice when I look at the monitors by his bedside and his respiratory rate reads that he can breathe on his own. These are the BIG things that if I had had a healthy baby I may have taken for granted, because I would have never known it could be otherwise.

Lincoln's story is a story of strength and hope and rejoicing in the small, yet miraculous things that take place daily. Each day seems to bring a new set of challenges to work through, but it also affords us the time to stop, and soak up the beauty of this little life that has brought a whole new meaning to the word LOVE!


karlamsmith said...

You guys are so tough! I admire your strength and point of view. I keep a prayer in my heart for you all the time. Lincoln is looking so good and we pray that his progress will continue!

Kirsty said...

Kimmie this made me cry. Your perspective is so wise and beautiful. I have no doubt that Lincoln is a very elect soul to have been entrusted to a mother as good and faithful as you. Our prayers continue to be with you all daily xox. He is looking amazing!

jsnmlnd said...

Kim he is SO cute! What a chunker! It is funny how once you become a mom your heart is never quite the same again!

Jen Johnson said...

I admire your strength Kim. He is a very special little boy and has been sent to a very special mommy. We keep you all in our prayers every night. We love hearing all of the progress that he is making. He is one beautiful little man.

Jenny said...

Oh, he is SO cute!! He is getting little chubbs, I love it. That video was precious, thank you! Kim, you are a gifted writer. This blog is very heart warming. It is so sweet that you can appreciate the miracles in your life and ENJOY the gift that life is. It is not always perfect, but it is perfect for us! You and Dave inspire me! I love you guys. Hope to see you soon! Hugs to you three!

Hornes said...

Kim-don't know if you remember me...it's Christy, your roommate from college. I just wanted to tell you that your little Lincoln is adorable. I too, admire your strength and just wanted to let you know that I am keeping your little family in my prayers. Hoping Lincoln continues to grow big and strong. Love you guys!

Shantel said...

Wow what an amazing life this little guy has endured in such a short time and how blessed he is to have such fantastic parents to be right along side him all the way! Congratulations on your baby boy!! We just found your blog and our hearts rejoice and ache with yours. Some of these experiences are all too familiar! You are in our prayers! Eat and grow little Lincoln, eat and grow!

julie! said...

Isn't it amazing the level of love you experience with children? I am happy to hear he is doing well and gaining weight. Nick and I ran into your mom a couple weeks ago and I asked her all about you and Dave and baby Lincoln. It was so good to see her and hear about how you guys are doing. Nick met your dad and brothers the following day and he was so impressed with all of them. You are so blessed to be part of such a good family.
We continue to pray for you each day. John has actually started calling Molly's baby doll "baby Lincoln." :)
We hope he continues to progress at such a good rate. Can't wait to see more pictures.